Afternoon Tea Party & Etiquette

Looking forward to next weekend's Afternoon Tea and Etiquette at The Inn at Fernbrook Farms.  My love of tea parties goes way back, well before I started in the events industry.  I happily inherited my great-grandmother's tea service and china before I had a house to put it in.  I dutifully polished her monogrammed silver and pressed the linens.  I love the formality and the simplicity of an afternoon tea party.  Scones, cucumber sandwiches, sweets and some pretty flowers are an easy way to entertain guests.  Add some sparkling wine and it's even better.  Registration link for tickets https://www.fernbrookfarms.com/event/gatherdinner-copy/

Vintage Brides Wedding Etiquette, 1961

Flipping through my vintage etiquette books and found a surprise tucked inside. I don’t know how I never saw this original press release from Grosset & Dunlap from 1961 announcing the publication of The Brides Book of Etiquette by the editors of Brides magazine. I was reading through the book for lost traditions and my favorite might have been the pages about displaying the wedding presents. Gifts used to be sent to the bride’s home, opened and displayed in the dining room. I remember early in my career I planned a wedding in Charleston, SC and the mother of the bride hired someone to stay at the house while the reception took place at another location. I thought it was odd then but learned this practice was because the wedding was announced in the paper, thieves would know that all of the family members were out celebrating and the house and potentially loads of wedding gifts would be unattended. #mannersmonday

An Evening of Etiquette

If you've been following me for a while you know that I am more than a little fascinated by etiquette and if you live me you've had to sit through every single screen adaptation of Jane Austen, Henry James and Edith Wharton's work at least a dozen times.  As an etiquette consultant I primarily speak about how to adapt 20th century etiquette to the 21st century landscape but on Tuesday, October 2nd I get to go a little further back.  I will be at McCarter Theatre in Princeton, New Jersey for an Evening of Etiquette talking about 19th Century manners in Gilded Age New York City.   Just before the performance of Edith Wharton's The Age of Innocence at McCarter Theatre, we'll gather to explore the nuances and intricacies of 1870's one percenters.  After the show, stay for cocktails and do some 19th century socializing with select members of the cast, crew and staff.  

Etiquette 101: Rules for Being on Time

My segment on Etiquette 101: Rules for Being on Time aired on WPIX 11 Morning News in New York in response to Mayor De Blasio's chronic lateness.  I expanded on some of the questions that they asked but we didn't get to cover:

WPIX: How bad is it for a public figure to be late to a public appearance or speaking engagement? 

MH:  Lateness is often taken as a sign of disrespect no matter who you are.  I think we have a certain understanding of the challenges of a public figure's schedule and the public can be forgiving up to a point.  Those in the public eye should be aware of perception and the impact that lateness can have on their image over time.

WPIX:  Is there really something as “fashionably late”? 

MH:  The term "fashionably late" started in the early 1800's when dining later in the evening became the fashion.  It wasn't meant that showing up an hour late for dinner was fashionable.  Today when you receive an invitation for dinner at 7:00pm arriving a 5 minutes late would be ok, especially if there are casual drinks served before hand.  It is actually polite to arrive just a few minutes past the invitation time in case your host or hostess is still working on last minute preparations and primping.

If the invitation is to a party where there is no meal served and the invitation may call for 9:00pm, there is no expectation that you arrive at 9.  In fact, the party won't really get going until later in the evening.

WPIX:  What should you do if you know you are going to be late to an event?  

MH:  Always keep the contact information on hand for the person you are meeting, as soon as you are going to be late let the host or organizer know your expected arrival time and keep them updated if that changes.  Be realistic about when you expect to be there.  There's no point in telling them you're parking when you're really still miles away.

Outrageous excuses don't make the situation any better.  I had someone say once that they had been hit by a bus.  He used the same excuse two months later!  

WPIX: What is the proper late etiquette for the following:

-Job interview - My rule is don't be late for this one!  You're not promised a second chance.  Lateness does not leave a good first impression and if the interview is down to you and someone who was on time you've put yourself at a disadvantage. Plan to arrive a half hour early, giving yourself a chance to settle in.  It's always better to sit and wait for a few minutes rather than screaming in the front door frazzled and out of breath.

-Wedding /Christening/ Funeral - Slip in the back as quietly as you can, do not draw attention to yourself or make a scene.

-Public Engagement -  Apologize immediately without making excuses and let the organizer know as soon as possible of your delay.  As I mentioned before be honest about when you expect to arrive.  

-Play or Performance - Again slip in the back quietly.  Some performances will have ushers that will open the doors and allow you in at the appropriate time.